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Many people think creating something in your life, a project, a business, or type of relationship, is something that has to be arduous or stressful. However, in my own experience with my own coach and my clients I’ve come to realize that many of the times that isn’t the case.
In this piece I’m going to share with you my own journey into coaching, how it works, and what it is and isn’t, and why it’s so valuable.
Many people think that coaching is about motivation, support, and getting your act together in life. This was my perception of coaching. I thought that coaching was only for people who had serious issues or problems, confusion over their life purpose, or simply wanted a change.
While a small fraction of that may be true and applicable for some the scope and application of coaching is much greater.
I stumbled into coaching when I realized that I was incredibly stressed about pursuing my passion. I left college thinking, “I’m going to somehow magically make it. I’m going to start a Tube Channel and an online blog and then I’m going to kill it and make a living off my passion.” I had some false naïve sense that if I just followed my heart then everything would work out perfectly fine and the universe would provide for my every need.
While this sounds great and in some sense can be partially true I had a deeper realization whilst sitting in an IHOP with $1,000 in my bank account. That sometimes you can take the leap of faith, try your damnest, and life still doesn’t work out. You see. I had always been that type of person that says, “I can do it no matter what! I can do it myself! I’m a strong independent and capable individual who trusts myself and my abilities.” And while that was fully true I was missing something incredibly important to human wellbeing and creation. I was missing the fact that we don’t have to go through life alone. Yes, we can have friends and family as support systems however we also need people who will cheer us on in our back corner no matter what but also hold us accountable and grounded to our actions and the vision we have for ourselves. Yes, we’re 100% independently powerful human beings but at the same time we are 100% interdependent. And I’ve learned that If I want to be the fullest expression of who I am that I need to equally honor both parts of me. The part that needs to be independent but also the part that needs other people.
Do you have people in your life who can love and support you and care about your dreams just as much if not more then you do but are also willing to take you to the school of hard knox when you need it?
This is what coaching is all about! A coach is a person who knows how to support and love you fully but also holds you accountable to the inner version of who you KNOW you can be, and of who you WANT to be.
Coaching isn’t about being broke or about needs or wants. No one needs a coach. It’s about having someone in your life who will love and support you and hold you accountable to following your dreams and becoming the person you KNOW you can be on those days and times when you don’t believe it yourself. Coaching is about creating the future you want while staying grounded and realistic in the present.
You see many of the times we as humans think that if we want to change ourselves or create something that it has to be this hard and arduous process filled with anxiety, worry, and confusion. And while there may be small times where that does come up it it’s simply not true.
Why does coaching allow you to create at a faster pace but in a relaxed manner?
First, let’s understand anxiety and procrastination.
Procrastination simply comes from a lack of knowing. We don’t know how. We have too many conflicting thoughts that we can’t sort out and not enough time to sort them out so what we do is avoid the real issue and end up distracting ourselves to take us away from the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing. This is what we call confusion. And when confusion sets in we don’t take action. It’s a vicious cycle.
How does coaching solve this?
Coaching speeds up the creation process and reduces anxiety, worry, and franticness by asking the right questions. Question is short for the word quest. Asking the right questions is more important then getting a mediocre answer. Why? Because the right questions give clarity.
Let’s say you have an issue or problem that comes up. You don’t know what to do. You have to weigh the pros and cons. You think and think yourself into a mental loop until you get frustrated to the point where you go do something else so you don’t have to deal with the issue. This keeps you from getting clarity which is necessary to take action.
Action stems from clear thought. If you have an issue that your mind cannot resolve then naturally you won’t take action and you’ll start to feel stuck. A coach will ask you the right questions until you get to a point where you connect the problem and can make sense of the seemingly inescapable mental puzzle. Our thoughts are like puzzle pieces that are trying to align. A coach is a second hand with a high crystal clear view of the puzzle who guides your line of thinking, through questioning, to a place those puzzle pieces in order. When you can resolve the problems in your mind you then naturally take action.
Many people think that action is hard. It’s only hard when your mind is fragmented. When your mind is in alignment action is a natural by-product of that alignment.
Imagine having a safe space where you can practice your new ways of being. Many times we don’t take new action in the world because we’re afraid of those first steps. We’re afraid to make that sales call, ask for that number, ask for a promotion. However, in a coaching conversation you can roleplay back and forth. You can try out new behaviors that you’re unsure of testing out there in the real world. I always tell my clients, “Test me.” Bring your anger, frustration, hurt, worry, and whatever else you want to bring to the conversation. Many of the times we don’t share our worries and troubles or our secret dreams with our loved ones because we don’t want to bog them down or make them feel like they’re below us.
A coaching conversation is a truly safe space where you have ultimate freedom to be yourself 100% without judgement and try out new ways of being that can help you change your identity and life.
Many people have only experienced the roles that they play in their lives. They play a husband role, their a brother, boss, or co-worker. And all of these roles have expectations. Life asks us to play many different roles in our lives. Imagine having a space where the only expectations that someone else has for you are the ones that you have for yourself. How would your life change if you had a space where you could test out different roles and characters and try new things without any expectation. From my own experience it can be the most exaggerating space.