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Have you ever felt down on yourself and couldn’t understand why? Do you have a hard time keeping your energies high?
In this piece I’m going to breakdown the concept of self-esteem, how to regulate it, and use it to grow into your being. Many people equate self-esteem with how we are thinking or feeling about ourselves. But the individual identity is so multi-faceted that that can become a tricky and illusive concept when talking about it abstractly. So here, we will divide our individual self into parts or concepts. First, I’ll share with you how self-esteem is connected to the development of a skill in a certain role that we play in our life. Secondly, I’ll share with you why people stop developing their self-esteem. And finally I’ll share with you how to raise your self-esteem and hence raise your self concept.
We’re all familiar with the concept of role playing. We play various roles in our life. Some of us are bosses, fathers, husbands, wives, uncles, and more. Subsequently, we’ll give each one of these roles a self-concept. Our self-concept is how we perceive our self in relation to a role that we are playing. For instance, if we have a high self-concept of ourselves as a successful father then we’ll have high self-esteem. We’ll like to stay at home and pay the father role. Because we are good at playing the father role then we’ll have high self-esteem surrounding that role. However, let us say that that father starts off on setting up a home business. Now, not only is he a father but he is also a business man. Starting up a business can be confusing especially if we’ve never done it before. He may have a high self-concept and subsequent high self-esteem around being a father however his self-concept and self-esteem lack around being a businessman because this is all new to him.
This is how self-esteem works. It’s something that is and maintained . Skills and talents are developed with repetitive practice. Each role in our life is a teacher. And it takes time to develop the skills to play these roles well. Your self-esteem and self-concept develop in each role over time as you develop your skills. So there is a direct connection between skill level and self-esteem.
If you feel like you have low-self esteem then the first thing you need to do is see what role in your life is particularly challenging for you and why?
Ask yourself, “What is the real challenge for me now and how can I meet and master that challenge?” Asking yourself this question will allow you to draw boundaries around the areas that need to be worked on and don’t. If we just tell ourselves, “I have low self-esteem,” then we can generalize something that is very specific and end up hurting ourselves. Recognize the specific area that needs to be worked on and then acknowledge that it can be changed. You can change it by practicing and developing the skills. As your being experiences higher and higher levels of expertise then your self-esteem will go up as well. Once you get to that level of mastery then your self-esteem in that category or role in your life will reach a maximum and you can concentrate on other areas in your life where your self-esteem is low.
Many people try something new in life, whether it’s being a business owner, a father, or better husband and they give up and fail because they say to themselves, “I’m no good at this.” And then, that makes them feel worse and they give up. Self-esteem takes time to develop in a certain area in your life. It won’t happen overnight. You must have the courage and determination and fortitude to stick through the hard times to continue to evolve. If you don’t then you will get down on yourself and you’ll stop evolving.
Self-esteem is not just some broad feeling that we have about ourselves. It’s directly related to our self-concept and we perceive ourselves in relation to life. Wherever you’re experiencing a struggle in your life be patient with yourself, get determined, and recognize that it will take time to master this next role you’re playing, whatever that may be. In time you’ll master it and then your self-esteem will be raised.